Rambo
Website: None
Original: Rambo - ??? - 198x
Rambo - First Blood, Part Two, Manchester City Three, Liverpool Four...
You get the feeling when playing this remake that it was started because the author really enjoyed playing it on whatever home computer they had at the time, but when they revisited it they realised it was actually a pretty crummy game all along. I say this not because the remake is ropey (although there are a few endearingly naff bits in it without doubt) but because the only things it has in connection with the original game are the setting and level sequence. The handling has been chucked out of the window in favour of a mouse/keyboard combo that allows you to walk in 8 directions and fire in any direction.
As a result, the game is really kinda' fun, with John Rambo mowing down waves of enemies as they run at him with all the grace of drunken marionettes, sporadically firing at him as if they've been given strict instructions not to waste bullets. You'll find yourself probably getting to the end level of the game on your second go which features a ride in a helicopter which appears to have been built on Umpa Lumpa scale and painted in radioactive green in an attempt to blend in to the Vietnamese countryside.
Collision detection with the gameworld is limited, with small bushes appearing to have huge rectangular no-go zones around them and the edge of the world hasn't been indicated in any way shape of form. You just stop as if there was a forcefield in place, and although I'm no history buff I feel sure that something like that would have stuck in my head if I'd heard about it during one of Oliver Stone's interminable films.
So how do I feel overall about the game? Well, better than the original, but then most forms of rectal examination could lay claim to that as well. However I've added an extra percent for the game-over event, which just made me laugh.
65%
